Pages Reveal for A Great Deal of Ingenuity: A Collection of Pride & Prejudice stories.

To say thank you for pre-ordering a signed copy of A Great Deal of Ingenuity, I’m giving you an exclusive peep at part of one of the nine stories, “Mrs Long and Her Neices.” And no, that’s not a spelling mistake. I do hope you enjoy it.

Ruth Leigh

Mrs Long and Her NEIces

We know extraordinarily little of Mrs Long and yet she has inspired the most detailed character introduction in this book, based on the tantalising clues about her scattered throughout Pride and Prejudice. Austen paints a lively picture of Meryton society with several principal figures in the town itself, the Lucases a mile or so away at Lucas Lodge and the Bennets within an easy walk of the town at Longbourn. The remainder of the four and twenty families with whom they dine, presumably, are scattered around the district.

Mrs Long’s nieces form part of the group of excitable teenage girls with Lydia Bennet at their head and although, or perhaps because, they are never named or given a word of dialogue, they have always fascinated me. Mrs Long herself is the third person to be mentioned by name, straight after the Bennets. We have only just read the famous opening remarks about a single man in possession of a good fortune when we are plunged straight into a conversation between Mr and Mrs Bennet. Mrs Long clearly knows every single delightful detail about Mr Bingley. She has made a beeline for Longbourn (‘… Mrs Long has just been here, and she told me all about it’) and poured each juicy nugget of news into Mrs Bennet’s eagerly waiting ear. A young man of large fortune from the north of England is coming to the neighbourhood, which makes him fair game for all the matchmaking mamas round and about the district. Mrs Long has done her research.

She knows that he visited on Monday in a chaise and four (a sure sign of wealth – a person needed to have at least £1,000 a year to afford their own carriage, and the four horses indicate that he has no money worries and likes to travel at speed. These days, he would be driving a Tesla). Further, she reveals, he loved Netherfield so much that he’s agreed a moving in date with the local land agent (Mr Morris), will be in residence by Michaelmas (29th September) and is sending some of his servants down to open up the house at once.

Mrs Bennet has an indefatigable ear for news, plus the benefit of her sister Philips, conveniently located in the heart of Meryton, yet Mrs Long is clearly the winner in the news stakes here. Is she acquainted with Mr Morris, the land agent? Does she know Mrs Nicholls, the cook at Netherfield?

She is the character with the privilege of kicking off the narrative but is given little else to do throughout the book. She is probably a widow, since in Chapter 53, just after Lydia and Wickham’s marriage, Mrs Bennet says, ‘We must have Mrs Long and the Gouldings soon [to dinner].’ As such, with no husband to make the first courtesy visit to Bingley, presumably, she does it herself, as in Chapter 2, Elizabeth reassures her mother that Mrs Long has promised to introduce them at the assemblies. This gives her a huge advantage over Mrs Bennet and we further learn that she has two unmarried nieces, very likely the reason for Mrs Bennet’s spiteful outburst. ‘She is a selfish, hypocritical woman, and I have no opinion of her.’ It may well be that Mrs Long has got her eye on Netherfield Park for one of her own nieces. In Chapter 54, she and the girls must be of the party who visit Longbourn just before Jane and Bingley become engaged. In the self-satisfied glow of very nearly having a daughter well married, Mrs Bennet refers to them as ‘very pretty behaved girls, and not at all handsome: I like them prodigiously.’ Now that they are no longer rivals in the Bingley marriage stakes, she is free to treat them with perfect civility once more, also complimenting Mrs Long as:, ‘….as good a creature as ever lived.’

Writing this story also gave me the opportunity to shine a light on the Lucas and Collins households. We are told relatively little about the Lucases in the novel (Austen focuses mainly on Charlotte, with Sir William and Maria making several appearances), but I sent Mrs Long, that doughty searcher out of gossip, off to Lucas Lodge when the lady of the house was absent. This gave me the ideal opportunity, dear reader, to worry out some intriguing snippets of news about life at Hunsford Parsonage. Mrs Long, naturally, would be delighted to hear about a potential suitor for Maria, as that would reduce the number of marriageable young ladies left in Meryton as rivals to her nieces. Having read and re-read the novel many times, I found Mrs Long taking shape, a robust, essentially kind-hearted woman with a hearty appetite for tea and all its accompaniments, a native of Meryton whose story I could not wait to tell.

†

As I was saying to Lady Lucas just the other day, never have I known such excitement. The last twelvemonth has brought scandal, elopement, gossip, news and several marriages to Meryton and although I am no longer a young woman, I own that I have taken great enjoyment in learning all the news.

‘My dear Mrs Long,’ said Lady Lucas to me as we drank tea and nibbled on seed cake in the parlour at Lucas Lodge. ‘Never did I think that my own Charlotte would one day be married and settled so far from me and now here is Jane Bennet married very well and living at Netherfield Park and her sister the mistress of a great estate up in the north of the country. To be sure, we must look for suitable young men for my own Maria and your neices, Dorothea and Catherine.’

She paused and held up her handkerchief in front of her mouth for a moment. I am very fond of seed cake, but one needs to spend some time alone after consuming it as the seeds are most injurious to the teeth. I much prefer the tea bread and lemon tarts at Longbourn. Mrs Hill is a fine cook, although Lady Lucas’ Mrs Mason is known for her mince pies and her masterful way with a haunch of venison. With such a numerous family and a respectable name to keep up in the neighbourhood, the Lucas girls have more to do in the kitchen than either of my nieces or any of the Bennets and it is as well that Mrs Mason is so good-natured.

Having removed the seed, Lady Lucas adjusted her cap and leaned forward to poke the fire. For a woman with such a numerous family and limited fortune, she is most prodigal indeed with her coals. I have not had the fire lit in my bedroom since April.

‘Do not you think, my dear, that Dorothea may have caught the eye of young Mr Goulding? I noticed he danced three dances with her at the assemblies last week and I must say she was in very good looks. There will be a fine match if it comes off.’

I have every intention of catching Thomas Goulding for Dorothea. He is tolerably handsome, most amiable and if not the cleverest young man in the neighbourhood, he will at least have a good fortune. I have laid out a considerable sum in fine family suppers and card parties at my house and he is shewing a most promising affection for my neice who plays and sings like an angel. I saw no need to tell Lady Lucas, however, since she would walk immediately to Longbourn and pour my own particular news into the ear of Mrs Bennet, a gossip and busybody if ever I saw one. I adjusted my fichu and prevaricated.

‘I do not know, my dear. He danced with your Maria several times and he also stood up with the Harrington girls and Mary and Kitty Bennet.’

This of course was only common courtesy. No well-bred young man would leave ladies in want of a partner at a dance, even if they were as plain and dull as poor Mary Bennet who spends far more time practising at her wretched instrument than she ever does in front of her glass. Now that no less than three of her sisters are married and settled, however, she and Miss Kitty must spend a good deal more of their day with their mother. Since Miss Lydia became Mrs Wickham in that disgraceful, hushed-up way in the summer and Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth Bennet were married at Christmas, their mother has been less in the fidgets than ever I have seen her. Longbourn House is the quietest ever I have known it since Miss Gardiner married Mr Bennet four and twenty springs ago.

Dorothea and Catherine went home to my sister and brother at Christmas and they are returned now that summer is almost upon us and visiting and parties are recommenced. Dorothea is two and twenty and Catherine twenty and they are very good, agreeable girls. Without Mrs Bennet pushing her daughters in front of my neices at every dance we attend, I think I shall do very well this year. I have all but promised my sister that I shall have at least one of them engaged before Michaelmas.

It is an easy walk from Lucas Lodge into Meryton. When a woman is in excellent health and has a stout pair of walking shoes, she need not fear a brisk tramp from one house to another. The birds were singing joyfully and the cow parsley frothing along the border of the lane as I strode along. When I was a young, unmarried girl, my mother would scold me for the grass stains and tears I inflicted upon my gowns. I did not enjoy the more ladylike pursuits of embroidery and singing like my sister (an acknowledged beauty) but loved nothing more than exploring the beautiful countryside around Meryton.

When Colonel Miller’s regiment was quartered in the town, Mama forbade me from continuing my solitary rambles. I was forced to spend more time with the giggling misses who were husband hunting, including Miss Gardiner and Miss Maria Gardiner. Once Mr Bennet of Longbourn House had been captivated and safely wed, there were fewer suitable young gentlemen left for us all to marry. Mr William Lucas had, of course, been captured several years before that to the annoyance of my mama who had her eye on him for my sister. Miss Maria made do with her father’s clerk and lives still in the house where she was born. It was her abode to which I now hurried.

Mrs Philips is a very good kind of woman, not clever, certainly, but amiable enough. Her cook makes the most delicious rout cakes[1], sweet and soft, filled with currants and well flavoured with orange water. When my hostess saw me approaching, she threw up her parlour window and loudly hailed me.

‘My dear Mrs Long! Do come in. I have such news.’

I noticed Mrs Nicholls, the cook at Netherfield House, turn her head at this. She was walking out from the butcher’s, her basket filled with meat. I do not trust her. She has a watchful eye and a sharp tongue. I rang the bell and walked in, handing my pelisse[2] and walking boots to the maid and putting my stockinged feet into my slippers.

I was ushered into the parlour which commands such a fine view of Meryton and all its citizens. Mrs Philips misses not a single scrap of local news and dines with six and twenty families at least. She is nearly always sure to know of a flirtation, an engagement or a scandal just after I learn of it, for I have the sharpest eyes and keenest ears in all of Meryton. I was eager to hear of her news and vastly pleased to see her little maid bring in tea and a plate of the aforementioned rout cakes.

‘How do you all go on, my dear? I thought Dorothea in very good looks at the assemblies last week. Thomas Goulding shews a very promising affection for her, does he not? How happy you would be to have a neice well married and settled so close to you!’

She said all this while pouring the tea and offering me a rout cake. I took a bite. Delicious. Mrs Philips continued without taking a breath.

‘How does Charlotte Collins do? Lady Lucas will be looking around for a good match for Maria now that Charlotte is disposed of. She must be near to being brought to bed[3] is not she?’

Mrs Philips and I have known each other since we were girls and with no gentlemen within earshot, we were able to speak freely of subjects which are quite unsuitable for young unmarried ladies. Mrs Collins expects her first child imminently. Lady Lucas is leaving for Kent on the morrow with Maria as her companion and expects to be in Hunsford by Wednesday. We will have so much news when she returns! A new baby and no doubt stories of drinking tea and dining at Rosings Park. Charlotte did well to secure such a good match – the Lucas girls are nearly all very plain and poor Maria is sadly in want of that wit and vivacity which attracts young men.

Mrs Philips and I are both in agreement that Lady Lucas does not know how to dress her daughters. Miss Louisa Lucas is now sixteen years of age and just out and wears colours which make her pale face with its pointed chin and prominent eyes even paler. But she and Miss Lucas have an older sister well married and the opportunity to visit their sister’s household in Kent whenever they chuse. Lady Lucas does well to take Maria with her to Hunsford. We may hear of an engagement before too long. Surely there is a respectable curate or even the younger son of a baronet who may notice Miss Lucas. To have two daughters married and settled in the same county would be a splendid thing indeed for Sir William and Lady Lucas. It may even be that their oldest son would prove to be a tolerably good match for Catherine, but I will see if any promising young gentlemen shew themselves this summer before I begin to make my play for a Lucas boy. They are a most respectable family, but few of their children have been blessed with good looks.

‘So, my dear! You must know, indeed you must. I visited my sister Bennet this morning after breakfast. Such a fine day for walking. Mild weather and my light blue pelisse hardly required in such good sunshine. Kitty’s cough is much improved with the draughts from Mr Jones and Mary was wearing one of her new gowns. You know our sister Gardiner has been visiting at Longbourn and she brought with her all the news of the new fashions and several bolts of cloth for my sister and the girls. Mary’s morning gown is most becoming. I always told my sister, “My dear, do not dress Mary in such pale colours. She has such beautiful brown eyes and a deeper shade would bring them out.” And I was right. She was wearing a charming dress, almost the colour of a fine old sherry and it did become her very well. She will never be a beauty like Jane, of course, but properly dressed and with her hair done, she is quite tolerable. I told my sister Bennet of Lady Lucas’ imminent departure for Hunsford and she was almost amiable about Charlotte’s confinement. Indeed, now that Jane and Elizabeth are so well married, the entire family could move to Netherfield or Pemberley should my brother Bennet die suddenly. Not that I believe he will. He looked in very good health when I saw him through the library window.’

I am accustomed to Mrs Philips’ effusions. She is almost as fond of news as her sister and I took the opportunity to avail myself of another rout cake while she spoke.

‘La, my dear! How I do run on. Let me tell you the news! You are the first to hear of it for my sister Bennet whispered it to me and she has not yet been to Meryton to tell anyone and of course Lady Lucas will be gone to Kent early in the morning tomorrow, so unless my sister drives to Lucas Lodge (which I do not believe she will, by the bye), no one will know of it but we two. Such a piece of news! Two pieces of news, in fact, and I have been wild to tell you.’

She took a breath and a mouthful of tea. Much-needed, I’ll warrant. I am as fond of conversation as anybody, but never have I met two women who talk so incessantly as Mrs Philips and her sister. I eyed the rout cakes and decided against taking a third. By the time I finished my visit, went to the apothecary for some lavender water for my cook, Mrs Rumbold, and returned home, it would be time for luncheon and I did not wish to spoil my appetite. Mrs Philips poured me a second cup of tea and sat forward, her hands clasped together and her face aglow with excitement.

Jane is to have a child! And Lizzy too. Only to think, Mrs Long! Two grand-neices or nephews for me and two grandchildren for my sister and brother Bennet! They are expected around Christmas. Perhaps Lizzy will have a son who will inherit the great Pemberley estate! It does not matter quite so much if Jane should have a girl first, for Mr Bingley, as you know, only rents Netherfield Park and is yet to purchase his own estate. My sister tells me they are both in good health and there is no reason to be anxious about either of them. She visits the Bingleys at least three times a week and she will stay there when Jane expects her confinement and she and Mr Bennet and the girls are to spend a month complete in August in Derbyshire when the whole family party will be there. Mr Darcy’s sister is still not engaged to a suitable gentleman, but she is yet full young and I am sure Lizzy will be glad enough of her company when the babe is born. Are not you diverted, my dear Mrs Long?’

I own that I was. I did not think that Mrs Bennet could long bear Lady Lucas’ superiority in having a grandchild and now she expects two of her own. I finished my tea, bade my friend farewell and walked up the street, stopping to tell all my acquaintances the good news. Lady Lucas should have heard of it by nightfall, although of course Lizzy has probably written to Charlotte already.

The news that Mrs Bingley and Mrs Darcy were breeding encouraged me yet further to work on my own neices’ marriage prospects. I found them sitting in the parlour engaged on their embroidery when I returned home. Dorothea is a very pretty girl, with regular features and naturally curling rich brown hair. Catherine is not a beauty, to be sure, but she has plenty of wit and vivacity and reads very widely. I will be excessively surprized if at least one of them is not married and settled by Christmas. 

†

‘I saw Mr Thomas Goulding this morning, aunt,’ said Dorothea, as we ate our cold ham and pickles. ‘He was riding along with his father and stopped to enquire after our health. They dine with us on Friday, do not they? I trust you will have three full courses?’

I assured her that I would. Mrs Rumbold has a light hand with pastry and is more than capable of providing a fine dinner, elegant enough even to please the Gouldings. Young Mr Goulding would be a fine match for my neice. I would be vastly happy to have her settled so close to me. Once the engagement has been announced, I can begin to search in earnest for a husband for Catherine.

I have taken care to invite the guests to my family dinner who will best advance Dorothea’s interests. I am mindful that Mrs Bennet still has two daughters to dispose of in marriage and I would not be at all surprized if she had her eye on young Thomas Goulding.

The Bennets are not to be of the party. I noticed Mrs Bennet speaking to Mrs Goulding at length over the supper table at the last assembly and having married three daughters in six months, she has finally got in the way of it. Dorothea is a hundred times prettier than Mary and Kitty Bennet and she will have six thousand pounds when she marries, a more alluring prospect to a young gentleman than one thousand pounds in the four per cents[4]. Still, I will be able to sleep comfortably in my bed once I can be sure that at least one of my neices has secured the hand of a respectable young man with a good fortune.

Mr and Mrs Morris will be of the party. They are most agreeable and while not particularly wealthy, extremely respectable. Their eldest son is Mr Philips’ clerk. He might make a very suitable husband for Catherine if the oldest Lucas boy does not suit. I shall make sure that Catherine takes particular care with her hair and dress on the night of my dinner.

 †

[1] Small, soft cakes made with flour, butter, sugar, currants, eggs, rose water, wine and brandy. Often served with butter and/or jam.

[2] A long coat worn by women over their gowns throughout the eighteenth and well into the nineteenth century. It was sometimes fur-lined (Lady Catherine and her daughter would certainly have insisted on this refinement) and could have a hood.

[3] Archaic term meaning to give birth.

[4] Mrs Long is being rather catty here. The Bennet girls will only have £1000 each in the four per cents whether they marry or not. The landed gentry of limited means, such as Mr Bennet, often invested their money in secure government bonds. There was little risk attached, but equally, little profit made. In spite of the elder girls’ beauty, they had to marry wealthy men, as they will have only £40 per year and no home the second Mr Bennet’s heart stops. In comparison, Mrs Long’s nieces have larger dowries and their parents can expect their daughters to attract good matches as they can bring some wealth to the marriage. Additionally, there are only two of them so the money will go further. Mrs Bennet, the daughter of a country attorney, came to Longbourn House upon her marriage with only £4,000, not nearly enough to divide between five daughters and give them a decent settlement and certainly not enough to offset her new husband’s alarming lack of cash. Mrs Bennet would know this, and perhaps it would go some way to explaining her apparent dislike of Mrs Long in the early part of the novel when excitement is at fever pitch with Mr Bingley’s arrival at Netherfield Park.